Who is We? And what is We want?

The names are Mohammad Jawad and Ijaz Anwar. We don't like talking about ourselves (in the tradition of the great Faiz Ahmed Faiz). Below is the list of things we like and dislike and this should reveal enough about us and what this blog will be all about. We believe there is enough barood (gunpowder) in it to blow us into tatters!

Things we like;

1) Cricket
2) Science/Scientific Method/Evidence
3) Politics
4) Liberalism/Democracy
5) Philosophy/Logic
7) Pakistan/Muslim world/Planet Earth*
8) Books
9) A good argument
10) Creativity/Humour

*Please note that we reserve the right to interfere in internal affairs of any country at any time.

Things we hate;

1) Vague ideas/ideologies (eg Ideological Frontiers of Pakistan, Go Amreeka Go, Nazriyah-e-Pakistan).
2) Basing an argument on religious texts.
3) Faith/believing something without evidence.
4) Weak arguments/faulty logic.
5) Self righteousness/piousness.
6) Taboos, censorship, holy cows and holy pigs.

People we like;

1) Imran Khan - for being the greatest cricketer ever, an honest politician and, most of all, for politicising an entire generation for the first time. Also, he laid some of the most beautiful women in the world and he is making Nawaz Sharif lose confidence.

2) Faiz Ahmed Faiz - for lighting up our jawanis.

3) Jinnah - for being a visionary. He believed in Secularism, Democracy and Liberalism when his contemporaries were debating whether loudspeaker was lawful or forbidden in Islam.

4) Che Guevara - for being the most complete person of our time, in Sartre's words. He was an intellectual, guerrilla leader, diplomat, military theorist, physician, government minister, economist, a fashion/culture icon all rolled into one smart package! Check the picture of Che with Ayub Khan.

5) Darwin – for showing the world how design comes about without a designer.

6) All great scientists of the world - past, present and future. Honourable mention goes to Ibn-e-Rushd, al-Haytham, Newton and Einstein.

7) Moududi - he is still a hero to me (Jawad) as he was the person who taught me to use the brain for the first time.

8) Sir Syed Ahmed Khan - for being an amayzing visionary and being centuries ahead of his time. He was also perhaps the greatest Muslim naturalist. One thing is sure, the more you find out about him, the more dazzled you get by his greatness.

People We find amusing and/or repulsive;

1) George Bush, Sarah Palin and Tony Blair - for hearing voices in their heads from god and acting upon them!

2) Nawaz Sharif - for demonising and maligning all his opponents using dirtiest tricks in dictionary. Zardari is "corrupt", Imran is "Jewish Agent" and, of course, Nawaz Sharif did not try to seduce Kim Barker in a typical Punjabi way!

3) Shah Mahmood Qureshi - for creating the most racist, fascist, sexist, humiliating, illogical, disrespectful and ill-mannered stage in the history of political jalsas.

4) Sir Zaid Hamid - for ever thinking that he is sitting on a white horse that has

a hard on! He has been giving "azaans" to the Chief Justice lately! (The azaan starts from 04:46 onwards here).

5) Dr Abdul Qadeer Khan - the (self-proclaimed) Illegitimate Father of the Nation. He just cant understand why all Pakistanis don't have tattoos of him like this. We think Veena Malik should try his face in her next photo shoot but then on second thought, who will look at the tattoo when there is so much else to see?

6) General Hameed Gul - it will hurt him more if we don't write anything about his evils.

7) Al-Ghazali - ever heard of a bull in china shop? This man single handedly put an end to Muslim science and scientists, effects of which are yet to subside. Will deal with this more deeply at some other point.

People/things we think are over-rated;

1) Iqbal - We are lost for words here! In our opinion, one of the MOST over-rated persons ever. Was he the best poet of his era? Was he the greatest philosopher alive at the time? Was he the most influential thinker? The best motivator? An outstanding leader? Brilliant politician? We just don't know what his claim-to-fame is and we think no one can provide answers here without indulging in gross exaggeration.

2) Shane Warne - made his reputation bowling to the English team most of his career. Was very ordinary against the Indians, the best players of spin.

3) V V S Laxman - 17 centuries in 134 tests at an average of 45? You need to do better to be considered a world class player!

4) Arshaad Ahmed Haqqani - does anyone remember him? Read this as a sample. (As if we care what his ravayya is with politicians!)

5) ISI - for vehicles that stop at a check post (this is a metaphor), it does a bloody good job. For those who refuse to stop or are not bothered at all, it is as toothless as Punjab Police. Why does it not go after the drug traffickers/smugglers/Americans? Because they do not stop at a check post!

6) Maulana Fazl-ur-Rehman - he has been described as a "Department of Political Science" and to understand the subtle variations in pace of Pakistani politics better than anyone else! My Sweet Lord, we disagree! In this land of crooks, every crook is just as crafty

as the sum of all others combined.

7) Munnawar Hassan - for having more poison in him than he is normally given credit of. We predict Jamaat-e-Islami will be as directionless as a headless cockroach after he is done with it. He also makes Qazi Hussain Ahmad look decent, giant, sober, likeable and intellectually accomplished!

8) Hamza Shahbaz - ummm, well, he is the leader of the youth as per Atta- ul-Haq Qasmi!

9) Junaid Saleem (from Hasb-e-Haal) - This man is the most over-paid person/thing/object in Pakistan taking his abilities into account. Any wage above the minimum wage rate of Rs 7000 per month to him is morally incorrect and economically unwise. Check this and this to see what we mean.

People/things we think are under-rated and under estimated;

1) Zardari - he has to take the crown, no doubt. For those who think he is important just because he married a Bhutto, need to take a look at this guy! He married a Sharif and is still treated little better than his former self. Zardari is the only politician who pales the original Bhutto in almost every trait.

2) Qutb-ud-Din Aybak, Shahabud-din-Ghori, Alao-uddin-Khilji - well, we have not come across any evidence of their importance in real world apart from the "Pakistan Studies" books. Our education syllabus is always correct so these people must be grossly under-rated and under estimated by the world. This is our little effort to shine some praise on these very important people.

3) Maulana Ubaidullah Sindhi - hats off to him. He visited Soviet revolutionary leadership on their invitation and used to wear hat and "nikkers" (pants) despite being a "Maulana". All this is 1920s!

4) Raja Dahir - he resisted (and lost his neck in the process of it) foreign invaders with an alien religion/alien way of life with full vigour but is counted a villain by his own people - Pakistanis! Compare this to Tipu Sultan who also resisted foreign invaders with an alien religion/alien way of life and he is glorified left, right and centre! A big Cafe-Reality check is required here!

5) Dr Abdul Salaam, the Noble Leutrate - we get a lump in our throats when

ever we think of him. Despite trying, we cant think of something humorous to say here. We did not deserve him and he did not deserve us. We have failed you Doctor!

6) Nature, clean air, environment, wildlife - What are we going to do after the tiger is gone? We will all be considered criminals of Hitler and Stalin's magnitude by our great-grand-children. The heart cries bucket-loads here too.

7) Nawabzaada Nasrullah Khan - Could not speak English, never been outside Pakistan despite having the means (apart from 1 occasion), was a cultural icon with his Turkish Topi, paan and poetry, always left the government-forming party to join opposition and used his own money to do politics. Simply Grrrreat! If he was alive today in this media age, he would have bowed everyone into submission!

8) Misbah Ul Haq - we think ICC should sit down and make a decision to award all the runs scored by Saeed Anwar (because Anwar is more interested in paradise than his batting records) to Misbah to compensate him for his lost years. This will be a win-win situation for all as justice will be done to Misbah and Saeed will get yet more sawaab (reward) for sacrifice in his quest for jannat (paradise). Also, the bowling records will not be affected as all the runs conceded will just be transferred to a different batsman.

Disclaimer; This action should only be taken after an official decision vis-à-vis a signed Memo from ICC. Any unilateral action taken by PCB, Pak Army or Misbah may prove to be more harmful in the long run.

9) Saeed Ajmal - This will prove more difficult so perhaps the slippery Hamid Mir can help here. We think Ajmal should be awarded all of Danish Kaneria's wickets to

compensate for his lost years. However, the problem here is that Kaneria lost about 200 wickets due to Kamran Akmal's wicket keeping. To correct that, perhaps an imaginary batsman can be inducted into the record books that has always been ousted by Kaneria to balanced the record books. We understand the theoretical problem here and hereby acknowledge that Hamid Mir can provide valuable input here.

Disclaimer; This action should only be taken after an official decision vis-à-vis a signed Memo from ICC. Any unilateral action taken by PCB, Pak Army or Ajmal may prove to be more harmful in the long run.

Please note that we also reserve the right to add or remove any of the above names without prior notice.

(Mohammad Jawad and Ijaz Anwar)